Been thinking...I need some new goals.

Been thinking about what it means to be a good person. I don't just mean being good towards others, but also being good to yourself. How does one actually go about that without having to be a little (or a LOT) selfish? Isn't that the essence of NOT being a "good person" if you have to become self-absorbed in yourself in order to take care of yourself so you can be a good person to YOURSELF...and others?

I wonder about these things.

I look at my life and I know I have flaws. I know I'm not the best apple in the bunch, but I'm still aware that I'm pretty damned good. Yet, I give people the benefit of the doubt. Yet, I give people "too many chances" to prove themselves time and time again. Yet, I create a world of frustration and lose my ability to manage my time because I extend myself too far. How do I balance this? How do I take the time I need for ME?

Ok, then, what exactly does that mean? I am in school (taking time for me) but school is so busy that I don't always get to take "me" time. Does "me" time have to include the fact that I'm in school or do I get "time away from school 'me' time"?

Sigh.

I know I'm making this slightly more complicated than it needs to be. All in all, I just need to learn to say NO to people. I need to learn that I deserve my time. I deserve Ali time. I guess that time is whatever will help me relax, free myself from ME.

It's amusing. I'm all over the map with this but the common-ground my teachers have told me is how much I need to learn to relax! I know! Is this really a surprise? I am over-simplifying it, of course, but as much as I can take on the world, I really need to stop proving it. I'm taking to heart the RIGHT to "start over" correctly. Or just start over and be ok with not having all the answers. Or being "right" or "perfect" all the time. I know. Cliche as it may be, I'm working on it.

Ok. So, in the spirit of my wonderful friend, Adam, I am going to make a promise to myself. I am going to focus on a few life goals. Some will be short-term, some will be long/life-long term.

First, I am unwaveringly going to continue to see theatre. There is plenty of good, cheap, free-ish theatre. I must go to it. I've had a list of 9 plays I need to see before January 15th (when the last one closes) that I can see for $15.00 or less per ticket. I need to DO that. I've tried to keep up with it and write a blog on Myspace for each show I've seen. Get my observance "chops" back up. It's important for me to keep ON that.

Second, I am getting my finances in order. This is a bit tricky because it entails a myriad of pieces to the puzzle, but I believe I can square away MOST of it.

Third, I will start a "formal" routine (daily/weekly) of exercise/relaxation. I believe I need to incorporate BOTH into my day so why not use my need for efficiency and combine them. In some cases I can do yoga (strengthing AND relaxing) and counter-act it with some type of cardio. I'm hoping to be running 1 mile a day for 5 days a week. If it increases, hurray! If not, well, I think running at ALL will be good for me.

Fourth, I need to get on a regular, healthy eating schedule. Having the power out has wreaked HAVOC on my body. I know it has. I am planning a "jump start" right after classes let out for winter break. Other than work, I don't have too many obligations (save the above plans) until rehearsals start once again.

Fifth, I will finish all my assignments before the break ends and school begins again.

Sixth, I will allow myself a chance to finish a project. Knitting, crochet, beading, writing music, READING a book! Something I've started but can't find/make/carve out the time to finish.

I think those are plenty of goals for the time being.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm going to try (the world knows this is a struggle) to give myself a break. It'll happen. It'll work. I just have to learn that it's ok and it's NOT always going to be failure if I'm not perfect all the time or know all the answers. I don't have to FIX everyone. I sometimes need to just sit back and breathe!

Here's to lofty but attainable goals. Any kind words or advice or wisdom is strongly encouraged! :-)