Actor Taking a Stand (Part 2)

One of my beloved teachers and mentors, Ted, told me a good actor is a smart actor. An actor who does his/her homework and researches and learns, will be an overall BETTER actor. I've always believed this.

I find myself to be a perpetual student. A student of life, a student of knowledge, a student of puzzles. It is difficult to come to grips with the fact that there really is no "right" answer all the time, in acting. However: Casting Directors, Theatre Directors, Producers, fellow Actors, Writers will constantly use this term when they are talking about one thing: the acting BUSINESS.

"There is a 'right' way to send in a submission"
"There is a 'right' way to act when entering an audition room
"There is a 'right' way to approach an auditor at a party or on the street"



The business side of acting:

It's ugly, we don't like it, but most of us have learned over time that there is more than just 'nailing the monologue'.

So, like a good student who wants to learn the most she can, I study. I read all the books/articles/blogs I can get a hold of. I ask former teachers, collegues, friends, etc. to help me be a contender in this business.

Here are some things present in almost every tip I've gotten and every book/article/blog I've read:

WRITE THANK YOU NOTES

Something I do very well is write thank you notes. Mom ingrained that notion when I was a little girl and for every present I am sent, a thank you note goes out. The same thing goes for acting. I send them to theatre companies, casting directors, directors, or whomever I know the name of that took the time to audition me. In my opinion, it's a NICE gesture.

I will note here, that I've only ever received 7, yes SEVEN responses from companies that have THANKED ME for coming into their auditions/callbacks. That's all.  In the day and age of the internet where everyone has an email address, it's astounding that the other side doesn't think that it would feel good to give a thank you. I gotta say, I don't even mind when they are FORM email thank you's! They are so far and few between I'm pleased as punch to GET one.

BE PLEASANT TO EVERYONE

This one also seems like common sense, but you never know. I am pleasant to EVERYONE at an audition. Having BEEN a casting director, producer, writer, assistant director, monitor, I've learned that you have NO IDEA who is actually giving you the "sheet to fill out" or your "on-deck".

So, it also helps when the monitor is pleasant to us. I've had MANY an experience of feeling "afraid" to ask a question of the monitor for fear she/he will be "annoyed" with my "stupid" question. I've seen monitors roll their eyes and act just as unprofessionally as can be while actors are trying to get centered and work on their "moment before". Also, keep us updated on a situation. If things are running behind, just alert us. Keep us informed and you'll meet with a much more patient group of people. We know it's not your fault things are behind. It helps when you apologize about it. We're less likely to lose focus and have a crappy audition. So, yeah, rule of thumb for monitors, treat it like it's a job-job. Think of it this way: you've GOT a job, we're interviewing FOR a job.

MAKE SURE YOU PROOF READ YOUR COVER LETTERS/EMAILS

I have decent writing skills. I proofread my emails before I respond, I proofread my thank you notes before sealing the envelopes. Again? Common practice.

Emails.

Let's get into this. I realize we are all busy people. But as I stand up for actors everywhere, you have to know we are JUST AS BUSY AS THE CASTING DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, CASTING ASSISTANT, ETC! Sometimes, moreso. Actors struggle with every word of an email. Rereading it twice, three times, four times to make sure the "tone" is correct. We've been told over and over again to 'be nice'. 'Casting directors, and directors, and producers, are people too'.

But so are actors.

And, honestly, no offense to ANYONE on the "other side of the table" (trust me, I've been there) but our feelings are just as fragile (more than we'd ever like you to know). So, please extend the same courtesy in your email-responses that we do for you.

Here's an example of what I mean:

I received an email from a theatre company I'd heard of but had not actually seen any of their productions. Truth be told, I'm not certain how they'd heard of me since I never submitted my materials to them. Anyhow, the email was a "form" style, inviting a select few to audition for the upcoming show in their season. They specifically named this particular show and invited those on the email list to find the sides on their website. As always, I was flattered to get "chosen" to audition. (That feeling really never gets old, right?). I looked over the two dates of the email and realized I was not available for either audition date. Furthermore, as I surfed to their website, I realized the dates of the show conflicted with a few major things planned, including a family wedding I had already responded "yes" to.

But, I didn't want to miss an opportunity to audition for them. Afterall, they'd sought me out. I wanted to let them know I was appreciative and hoped to work with them in the future.

I emailed them back.

"Thank you so much for your invitation to audition for [insert show name here] I am, unfortunately, not available for this project.
I do appreciate the opportunity and hope you will, please, keep me in mind for future projects, though.
All the best,

Alexandra Goodman"

In the email I specifically sited the show they were doing but, as you can see, it's a fairly standard RESPECTFULLY WRITTEN email.

The response I get is one line, saying that "these are the general auditions for the all projects coming up this year."

Yup. That's it. No "Dear Alexandra" no "We're sorry you're unable to make it. These are, unfortunately our generals for the whole season. We will keep you on file, but encourage you to resubmit to us later in the season."

Nope.

I felt like a jackass for "missing" their opportunity. And a "too bad, so sad" attitude from THEM.

Um, really?

I mean, wow. It made me NEVER want to audition for them again. Seriously, they'd have to be doing my favorite play with a role I just HAD TO PLAY for me to consider it.

Rudeness goes BOTH WAYS.

So should courtesy.

Even though I was taken aback, I did respond to that "terse" email with this:
"I'm definitely sorry to have to miss it.
Thank you, again, for thinking of me.
All the best,
Alexandra Goodman"

Raise your hand if you think I got a response to that one? Anyone?

You're right.
I didn't.

The problem, again, is there are so many of us. So we allow these auditors to treat us like this and we TAKE it because we need the work. We want the work. We're desperate to perform. We tell ourselves, " eh, it's not a big deal". But it is.

Actors! Our self-esteem and self-worth is so in the toilet that we have to remember we don't need this kind of aggravation in our lives. If we don't treat ourselves well, no one will treat us well.

PLEASE realize there are dozens and dozens of directors, producers, casting directors, agents, writers, who WILL treat you with respect. The point is to recognize THEM.

I guarantee you I WANT to work for any of the 7 companies that sent me a thank you note. Truly. I'd go out of my way to be available. A little bit of respect goes a long way.

Honestly, I've had some AMAZING experiences with auditions where I know I bombed, but they treated me so decently I didn't actually WANT to go home and down a pint of Ben and Jerry's. And THESE are the companies you should want to work for. Not the ones that make it seem like you should be HONORED to just GET an AUDITION with them.

We have to remember something. Most people say, "crap I gotta go to work today." Or "Ugh! I don't WANNA go to work today". It's rare you'll hear an actor say, "I don't WANNA do a show today". Artists in general are born workhorses. We WANT to work. We CRAVE the work. How many managers can say that about their employees?

If we start respecting ourselves, Actors, I just know we can beat this trend of rudeness, anxiety, and self-doubt. We deserve more. Let's expect it from now on.

Because I am happy!

Ok all you wonderfully cynical bastards out there. :)  I just wanted to say that I am HAPPY. While I'm aware that Valentine's Day is, technically, a Hallmark holiday...I don't care.  I'm giddy and happy and excited to say that I have a wonderful man who loves me and puts up with my crap and I get to spend the day with him.

However, I would like to point out that if I didn't have him (or someone even remotely equal in quality) I might be somewhat cranky and cynical.  Yet, I surely hope I would not just be with SOMEONE to just have someone.  If that makes sense.  

More than anything, I am HAPPY.  Not relieved to have a Valentine.  Not thankful I don't have to endure the evening alone.  I am a happy person.  It is not solely due to being with this wonderful guy, but he enhances that happiness in me.  

So, there it is.  I'm giddy and excited and pleased to say I feel good about ME.  So, for the first time I am happy to say I'm happy with ME.  And I'm thrilled I get to experience that with someone who is pretty freakin' awesome. :)

Sorry if I made some of you throw up a little in your mouth.  

But I'm happy.

So there!  :)

(Love you all! And have an incredibly wonderful Valentine's Day!  Open your heart and make sure you love yourself.  All forms of "love" acceptable.)

Full-on ANGRY, nearly 3 months later

Yup.  It's true. I'm fucking pissed.  And I'm tired of feeling guilty for my feelings.  I'm tired of feeling sorry for pathetic fat sacks of shit who believe the world is there to feed, clothe, and take care of them while they eat and drunkenly stumble their way through life.

I'm SICK of it.

Now, honestly, most of my anger is centered around one obnoxious and sad, pitiful human.  I was angry 3 months ago, tried to find my peace with it, but, truly, I'M STILL FUCKING PISSED OFF.

We talk about what "being the mature one" really means.  The fact that I didn't pummel her ass is its own grace of goodness.  She deserved it that night.  Her actions, her thoughtless and disrespectful actions (and the actions of her pathetic "friend") made me wonder WHY I worried about how much she was hurting.  WHY I spent a millisecond on asking about her well-being. WHY I still felt guilty over something that WASN'T MY FAULT, but she chose to blame me rather than realize her OWN lazy actions and bitterness and lying nature and complacency were probably MORE why she ended up alone. 

But worry and wonder I did.

But ask about and suffer guilt I did.

And it was all for nothing.  No, seriously.  NOTHING.  All I ever hoped for, (after I stopped deluding myself that people really WANT happiness and peace with one another - got two slaps in the reality face on that one in the same year - ) was that she would, AT LEAST, begin living well.  Turn her life around.  Go audition.  Take classes.  Get a job that she loves.  ANYTHING to end like those fucking Hollywood movies.   ANYTHING to show us that "she didn't need him" or us.  She gets to be the turn-around story.

Nope.

She became sad.  And sullen.  And angry.  And vindictive.  And BITTER.  And still holding on to some idea.  To quote Clifford Odets, she is "stalled like a fliver in the snow".

Violence is just not cool.  I believe that. But I've imagined how I would beat the daylights out of this bitch if I ever see her again.  It's not in my nature to actually do it, but my fantasies are quite vivid.  I imagine running after her out those doors after she dared slap him and tackling her.  I've imagined yanking her off her feet, putting her on the ground with my knee at her throat, and slapping her the same way she slapped him.  I imagine taking her down and making her admit that I'm some pathetic scapegoat she is desperate to blame because her own life is such a hot mess.  I have a big imagination.  Here's the difference between us:  I'm not gonna actually do it, you pathetic waste of skin.

 I was willing to be her silent champion.  The light of hope in this sad silence that she would figure it out and get her shit together.

Nope.

I don't hold much hope for her to make much of her life as it looks on this path.  Maybe one of her friends will remind her that the best way to grow up is NOT throw drinks and slap people you "don't like".  What, are you in 2nd grade?  

As I very much realize I need to take my OWN advice and "let it go", this is my blog.  So, while I don't actually plan to DO anything to her lazy ass, I do plan to allow myself to be angry. 

I leave you with this quote from my friend Kerry:  "Just remember, some people are like a slinky.  Their only purpose is to be pushed down stairs..."

Thank you Kerry.  And thanks, as always my friends, for letting me vent.

Love and peace to you all,

~Ali

A moment of clarity

It bugs me when people don't like me. Sometimes I can let it go because it seems weird or irrational to me. However, when I feel like I have been myself, tried to make an effort, done my work (if it's a co-worker or boss or teacher), apologized if I've done wrong, etc. it boggles my mind why someone would just decide, for no reason other than they "just don't like me" to not like me.

I forget that often these people are dealing with their own insecurities and their own issues and I may resemble those things to them. Sometimes.

This time, it took a few jabs at my ego and a few pointed comments to make me realize that sometimes people don't want to make the effort. Sometimes people are just that bitter. Bitterness. Man, I've been teetering on that road for a while. I hate that road and I really don't feel like myself when I'm on it. It's addicting, though. It's easy to feel like you're accomplishing something when you jump on it. It motivates you, gets your blood pumping, makes you have a goal, it fills your sad and empty soul up with SOMETHING. You begin to believe that you NEED the bitterness in order to survive. I did. I was starting to. I don't want it anymore. I'm walking away from that path with my head up and a bit of clarity.

I've been so busy worrying about later and success and acheiving some weird goal I set out for myself in an effort to have something to shoot for (go goal-oriented people), I completely forgot who I was and, honestly, I'm a pretty good person. I love animals. I love people. I will go out of my way for my friends and family and, honestly, it's about fucking time I allow myself some time to fall back in love with ME. I've spent so much time beating myself up for feeling badly. Beating myself up for hurting other people. Beating myself up for taking the time to beat myself up! I've forgotten that we all make mistakes. We all choose things we're not always the most proud of. We've all wished we could have "played that out differently". But they never taught me in school how to forgive myself for not "getting it" right away. Whatever "it" was. I always believed I was just an idiot if I didn't understand immediately. I wanted to be successful right away because if I wasn't it meant I didn't get the job or the callback or the audition or the agent. It meant that I would get smeared by the critics and people would remember what a bad actor I am and that would translate into being a terrible person.

I'm not a terrible person.

I'm a good, and decent person who loves to bring people together with the right projects. I'm a good and decent person who takes the time to listen and care about others feelings. I'm a good and decent person who doesn't feel afraid or bitter when others succeed. I ENJOY the success of those I love.

I love Chicago theatre. Most of the time, we HELP each other acheive things. It's for the good of the show. It's for the better of the experience. I LOVE that. I'm tired of trying to "get it" on the first try and thinking I've FAILED because it takes me a little while to get there. It's ok. The more I do it, the better I'll get.

I won't be like her. I won't teach a student 15 years younger than me and "act as if" I'm critiquing her classwork when I'm really scared shitless she's getting the roles I should have gotten at her age. Or will. Or might. I'm done going down her path. I will work in her class but her opinion is just that. I will learn from what she teaches me (maybe not right away but I will) and I will thank her, eternally grateful, that I've seen what could have been if I don't start to fix it now.

Dulling the edges and enjoying the view.

I think I'm finally "getting it". But if I'm not, or there's more to "get", well, Ok. I'm kinda OK with that right now.

Love and love and love and peace to all.