Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
It is one of the few engagement gifts I didn't actually give back (my aunt told me to keep it) so I hung it up. The other day, out of nowhere, after 3 fucking years, it decides to magically fly off the wall and shatter into a million pieces. So. I think that's the Universe telling me I should "let go" of the past a bit.
I'm working on that.
Today was also a tough day because I was told that my "emotions" seem somewhat "forced" or coming from a place where I thought I was "supposed" to be emotional. What was tough was that even though I'm sure I am still blocked from my past (hell, show me someone who isn't) it was really awful to be told that I was working from a non-truthful place IN MY OWN BODY.
Well, fuck that! I mean, I don't even get to trust my BODY anymore? Really? I can't trust that my emotions are where I think they are because I'm blocked even deeper than my emotions are allowed to go?
So does that mean when I cry, I'm not REALLY crying? Or if I feel angry, I'm not REALLY feeling anger? I'm forcing what I think I'm supposed to feel? How it's supposed to look?
Kinda makes me wonder who the fuck I am right now. 'Cause, obviously, I'm not actually me. If I am, I don't know who that is. And right now I'm questioning if I've ever shared, even with MYSELF, any real emotions EVER.
Yup. It's been a grand day, my friends
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1 comment:
A word of advice that you can use or ignore at your discretion:
When someone tells you that you aren't feeling something the "right way," or (for that matter) attempts to that tell you what you are feeling isn't what you think it is, then he or she is talking out of his/her ass.
No matter what experience or training he/she has, no matter how much you respect him/her, he/she is using an anus for a mouth.
Even if it's you talking to yourself.
And even if it's me. Especially if it's me, because I've taken a correspondence course in Rectiloquism.
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