Oh, people, that's lame...

Have you ever heard of revenge by Myspace delete? Well, my friends, I am a victim of it. Yes, dear readers, the previous "jackass" has decided that I am not worthy of his myspace friendship anymore.

I think I'll cry about it. Over milk. That I spilled. WHEN I WAS 6!

Come ON people! This is a 29 year old man with nothing better to do but delete people from his myspace in order to "let them know" they are "not desirable" in his life anymore? Really? Has it come to this?

Now, far be it for me to give credit to another ass-bag, (Jody), from the past, who decided to delete me (although the dog's myspace still has me as a top friend...hmmm). AT LEAST Jody sent an email to accompany his "MYSPACE ATTACK".

Look. I understand. I wrote about him in this blog (Ok, ok. And a previous one. Where he comes off like a jackass...HERE) . I'm not surprised he'd be angry. Actually I'm more surprised he saw it or read it or learned that it exists! Maybe I have more readers than I actually think! Woo hoo! If so, that's pretty awesome. Otherwise, I really don't know HOW he might have learned about it.

OR...it could be that I, having been part of the social network of the lovely lady (one of my best friends) whom he OBVIOUSLY wronged, he decided to use his deleting power for BAD! OH GOD! Two-face is on the warpath! Once a good man turned evil! Holy shit! Run people. Run for your lives!

Come ON!

Best part of this whole thing? Wolter got deleted too! AHAHAHAH! The poor guy had NOTHING to do with the blog. He had NOTHING to do with the jackass coming to the bar that night. As a matter of fact, they actually have a TON of common friends, considering they went to the same college and both studied THEATRE! For crying out loud! Puhlease!

Now, I've thought about this and, truly, Wolter's committed his own crime. He's had sex (and continues to live) with me. This is his crime. Guilty by association. Oh McCarthy. Yes, go ahead, have your little dance. It's come to this: "MYSPACE ATTACK!"

So I say this: Mr. Jackhole-jackass-who-doesn't-know-how-to-treat-people...Good Luck. Good luck in life. I can see it's been working out great for you, so far. Keep deleting. Apparently it's the only power you've got.

Cheers!

Amusement, my friends and dear reader(s) doesn't even BEGIN to describe it!
AHAHAHAHAHAH

Things that go flying off my wall...

So when I got engaged, I was given this beautiful ceramic picture that had part of Shakespere's Sonnet 116 carved into it.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

It is one of the few engagement gifts I didn't actually give back (my aunt told me to keep it) so I hung it up. The other day, out of nowhere, after 3 fucking years, it decides to magically fly off the wall and shatter into a million pieces. So. I think that's the Universe telling me I should "let go" of the past a bit.

I'm working on that.

Today was also a tough day because I was told that my "emotions" seem somewhat "forced" or coming from a place where I thought I was "supposed" to be emotional. What was tough was that even though I'm sure I am still blocked from my past (hell, show me someone who isn't) it was really awful to be told that I was working from a non-truthful place IN MY OWN BODY.

Well, fuck that! I mean, I don't even get to trust my BODY anymore? Really? I can't trust that my emotions are where I think they are because I'm blocked even deeper than my emotions are allowed to go?

So does that mean when I cry, I'm not REALLY crying? Or if I feel angry, I'm not REALLY feeling anger? I'm forcing what I think I'm supposed to feel? How it's supposed to look?

Kinda makes me wonder who the fuck I am right now. 'Cause, obviously, I'm not actually me. If I am, I don't know who that is. And right now I'm questioning if I've ever shared, even with MYSELF, any real emotions EVER.

Yup. It's been a grand day, my friends

And the jackass of the week is...

I'm usually a fairly patient person. Even if I exhibit those moments of irritation or frustration, other than intolerance, racism, etc, I'm pretty non-judgmental.

Except when people fuck with my friends or family.

So there's this guy...let's call him Dick, short for Dickhead.

He dates my friend, pretty seriously, for a few years. They break up. He moves to the city a year or so later. They both date other people. While it didn't end well, it wasn't out of the ordinary for them to run into each other now and then. Many of their friends were friends, etc, etc.

Time goes by. Facebook and Myspace take over the world. They re-connect after a couple of years from one of those "you may know this person" face-space-my-book things.

Both are single.

He makes a spontaneous gesture to meet up with her but she has plans with me. My band is playing and she is, supportively, watching the show. He shows up anyway. He and I have history. His business partner (and close friend) is my ex-fiance. Their people don't talk to my people. But he shows up anyway, gives me a great big hug and says he never cared about the issues and is happy to see me.

I'm glad we have no bad blood.

He hugs my friend and they fall back into their old routine when things were fun and life was sweet and they were both happy.

He gets a call from the business partner that they are having a meeting. He leaves but promises to return after said meeting. He DOES! My friend and I are saying he seems to have changed. The immature jerk that he was when they parted ways seems to have grown up! Happy days!

They go out after my band plays and have a few drinks and make a few plans to see each other again when he comes back from a trip.

Plans are set for an evening (with the right amount of time for one to believe it IS actually a DATE).

The night before, she texts him to make sure plans are still in full-swing and his reply is:
"I don't know, you gonna put-out?"

Now...that could be a joke. I'm willing to laugh at that one. He's gotta a harsh sense of humor and she's like "one of the guys" so it's not too weird...just a bit off...

Before she can respond he texts: "Actually, the guys want me to go out drinking after their show so I may do that instead."

So: Dick has now broken a date with her to go out drinking with the guys. Hmmm....

But then he texts: "We'll be at [bar in the neighborhood] you're more than welcome to join us"

She thinks, "ok, maybe this is a good thing. He's asking me to come out with the guys so maybe he wants it to seem normal between us. This could be ok."

She asks for directions and then gets this text: "Or you could just skip the bar and come tuck me in"

Now she's suspicious. Does he just want to get laid or does he actually want to hang out with her?

So she (in awesome fashion) writes this: "Are you just looking for a warm, wet, hole to stick it in? Or are you just being flirtatious. Hard to tell through text"

Dick replies: "Warm, wet, and familiar. Don't wanna split hairs here."

She is stunned.

Dick then writes: "Eh, maybe we should meet up some other time. Don't wanna hurt you. Not my goal here."

Yeah.

Guess he didn't grow up after all. Good luck with that. ASSHOLE.

P.S. My friend DID NOT reply and obviously DID NOT go meet him at his home or the bar. However, I will state that if he had come anywhere near her that night she'd have probably pulled out his jugular with her teeth. White. Hot. Rage. But, calmly.

101 in 1001 (or what I plan to accomplish by August 10, 2011)

Ok, I'm putting up a list of 101 things I want to accomplish in 1001 days. I learned about this through two friends of mine (who've put up their own lists) and it inspired me to do the same.

While I am a focused person, having a deadline helps to direct me towards a goal. If I don't self-impose one, I tend to flail around and not get much done.

So, in the interest of self-interest and with my happiness in mind, I am putting this out there. I'm excited and nervous and looking most forward to getting to "cross things off the list" as I accomplish them. Look for updates as they happen.

As always, I love and adore you, my friends. Thank you.

So. Here we go:

1. Hit my goal weight (and maintain it)
2. Send the trains
3. Sell the beanies
4. Sell the Magic the Gathering cards
5. Sell the wackies
6. Get proposed to
7. Finish Stop...Look...Listen scrap book
8. Go to 10 shows I'm not directly involved in
9. Go to 5 shows where I don't have a friend in it.
10. Move/buy a bigger place
11. Finally scan all my photos
12. Organize all my photos
13. Read 3 classic books
14. Semi-supine every day for 1 month
15. Finish Mom's awesome Hanukkah gift
16. Write 10 actual letters
17. Finish any/all 1/2 done cross-stitch projects
18. Learn how to use a sewing machine

19. Go Vote

20. Refile/organize monologue box
21. Get my MRI mammogram

• got my appointment (finally) on December 19th!
  

22. Take a tap class
23. Take a jazz class
24. Take a modern class
25. Take a circus class
26. Finish the Ender series
27. Take a "day job" that gives 2 days off in a row
28. Visit K. in New York
29. Visit Raina in Tennessee
30. Do film, as much as possible
31. Get an agent - one who cares about me
32. Watch the entire West Wing series

• Season 1 = complete!
• Season 2 = still in the middle
  

33. Watch 10 classic (oscar winning movies) I've never seen (preferably before 1980)
34. Do the 3 day walk for breast cancer
35. Submit my play to 3 theatres
36. Finish writing the Jezebel play
37. Get Sparky's teeth cleaned (with Vet approval)
38. Go to (at least) one Cubs game a year
39. Finish playing Kingdom Hearts
40. Knit 5 scarves for others
41. Be more diligent about recycling

• we bought a cart and are filling it and bringing it down to recycling once/twice a week on average
• we are keeping containers (jars and such) and reusing them as much as possible
• we are continuing to check labels and reuse any paper products we can
  

42. Try to use organic/green non-chemical products
43. Go to 4 movies - IN THE MOVIE THEATRE -
44. Treat myself to 3 massages at Urban Oasis
45. Watch more Olbermann and Maddow

• MSNBC is now the default channel on our TV

46. Trade in Dad's guitar to get one that fits me
47. Keep up on my blog www.ali-land.blogspot.com at least once a week- even if it's just an update
48. Scan and organize MOM's pictures
49. Read more of and try to incorporate Alexander Technique into my life

• Working through reading a book called Anxious to Please which has opened my eyes to many things - specifically - it uses the process of The Alexander Technique in many of the practices. Cool.
  

50. Finish putting together the crossword jigsaw puzzle
51. Don't let the file basket get to the top without filing it.

• This is a constant struggle but I finally attacked it today!
  

52. Take a combat class
53. Take a ballet class - even though it scares me-
54. Run a 10K (6.2 miles)
55. Do 3 Stuart's sun salutes a day for a week
56. Play my keyboard, once a month, for fun
57. Perform 10 random acts of kindness

• Bought mom an orange rose and surprised her when she was sick

58. Get an ivy (English?) plant
59. Read 3 previously unread books on acting
60. Ride my bike as often as possible (seasonal)
61. Drink 64 oz of water every day for 2 weeks
62. Finish all seasons of the Venture Brothers (for Jon)

• Season 1 = Complete!
• Special Christmas episode = Complete!
  

63. Watch 5 movies Jon wants (only 1 will be MST3K)
64. Try my watercolor pencils and make something pretty
65. Hang out with Dante 2x a week for at least an hour
66. Go to the Shedd Aquarium
67. Go to the Brookfield Zoo
68. Go to Lincoln Park Zoo
69. Go to the Art Institute
70. Read 8 plays I've never read before
71. Visit Charleston (finally)
72. Help Jon get on the path to Bio-medical visualization
73. Have a "date night" once a month

• Went to Sushi for November's date! Mmmm!

74. Say something kind to someone once a day for a month -even if it's "I LOVE YOU"
75. Do my taxes by March (instead of waiting until the last minute) for 2009 and 2010
76. Get my credit score
77. Find out how much I'd be approved for, for a mortgage
78. Make a realistic budget
79. Get a new computer (mmm...MAC)
80. Do my 2 affirmations out loud for 2 months
81. Graduate from ACT ONE!
82. Get out of my contract for ******
83. Transfer my VHS tapes to DVD
84. Get my compass tattoo
85. Vinegar the carpet!
86. Go on 5 auditions I have no chance of getting or don't even want - blog about the experiences -
87. Keep an audition journal
88. Get back to my "limber self" and do full splits on both legs!
89. Play my Dance! Dance! Revolution once a week for 3 months
90. Floss every day for 3 months
91. Spend at least one night (with Jon) at a B&B
92. Make the "butterfly" tray
93. Listen to 3 recommended rap albums
94. Learn basic sign language
95. Write a letter (not to be sent) to those whom I feel still "hold me back" emotionally
96. Experiment with "freezing a goal" and wait 3 months to see the progress
97. Be adamant about making 3 hours of "down-time" for myself a week and STICKING TO IT
98. Re-establish my donations to Sierra Club for the Polar Bears.
99. Keep practicing "drawing on the right-side of the brain"
100. Get new glasses
101. Accomplish at least 50 on this list by August 10, 2011 :)