THIS MUST BE IN CAPS! YES IT MUST! IF YOU HAVE ANY CHILDHOOD SOUL AND REMEMBER DISNEY'S TRON WITH, YES, THE BELOVED JEFF BRIDGES THEN YOU
MUST.
WATCH.
THIS.
VIDEO.
NOW...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTD_Ej-oPSw
THAT IS ALL, DEAR FRIENDS.
THAT IS ALL.
(If this link doesn't work, try googling TR2N. Disney isn't necessarily going to make this movie. They brought it to Comic Con to see if it generated interest! HOLY CRAP MAKE THIS MOVIE!)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Pardon me, are those your nuts on my arm?
The CTA. We take it because we have to. Sometimes it's the difference between a $12.00 cab ride and a $2.00 crammed, crappy, smelly, awful, homeless-begging, iPod-wearing, sick-to-your-stomach, teeth-rattling, bus ride that reminds us that we're happy to have saved a bit of money and still get home safely after being drunk.
The CTA is also used for such things as:
Here are some things it is NOT for:
1. Begging for money
(Isn't there some sort of man code that claims if the bus is empty you take every OTHER seat?)
2. Children
(If only we were lucky enough to have THIS kid)
3. Placing your nuts on my arm
Yes. you read that correctly.
Placing your
on my
My dear friends. Honestly. I'm sitting on the bus. Minding my own business. Next to me is a nice lady. She's minding her own business. Around us are other people. Some are sitting. Some are standing. They too, minding their own business. All of us dealing with the fact that we are a large number of people shoved into a space too small to hold us and have to maneuver around this vehicle of transportation in order to get ourselves to our specific destinations...cheaply.
We stop at the last stop before the bus turns into a mini-express. (The Belmont and Lake Shore Drive stop on the 146 for those of you who know the route). It takes Lake Shore Drive to Michigan Avenue and then exits and proceeds to do various stops on the route at that point.
So, many humans pass by me as I listen to my iPod and gaze out the window at the lake and soon the movement stops and I glance over and notice the wave of people has stopped and we are about to take off on our mini-express.
Well.
This guy sort of presses into my arm. It happens. Usually someone is trying to push past and get a hand rail on the back part of the bus or they see their friend. Whatever. However, the allotted amount of time where he should have released his junk from atop my arm passed.
So I waited a bit longer.
He shifts.
I think, Ok, good he's realized he's shoving his penis into the crook of my arm, he's going to move it.
No.
He shifts and, I swear to you, dear readers, hoisted his pants up and then solidly PLACED HIS NUTS ON MY ARM.
I was, at this point, still staring out the window and the entire thing seemed so absurd and ridiculous that I began laughing.
Hard.
Out loud.
So hard, in fact, the nice lady next to me looked over and probably thought I was laughing at her because, well, she was in the window seat and I was basically staring in her direction.
Junk man doesn't fucking move.
I'm practically hyperventilating I'm laughing so hard and this jackass STILL doesn't move his nuts from my arm!
At this point I couldn't avoid an awkward moment if I did adjust myself so I stay there. A comfy place for his ball sack.
We pull off onto Michigan Avenue and I think that, Ok, we're about to stop at a stop, people will push past and try to get off so he's got to move then right?
Wrong.
Oh no. He just presses further into me and now balls and penis are smooshing into my side boob! I'm mortified, appalled, embarrassed, etc. But I'm unable to look up at the jackass in nice Dockers shoving himself on me!
2 more stops went by when finally (FINALLY!) nut-sack man decided to move to the door because he was exiting at the next stop. He chose the back door so I never did get to see his face. But dear lord, people, I got a whole mess of cash and prizes that day!
Moral of the story:
Always be aware of your personal packages when on the CTA.
(For an added bonus, run your mouse over the pics for some fun insights!)
The CTA is also used for such things as:
- Getting to work
- Coming from work
- Meeting at various places in the city for various reasons
- Having a safe place to ride to such places when fully intoxicated
- Going to a stop where you may depart your bus or train car to then be picked up by another train or bus to finally reach your destination.
Here are some things it is NOT for:
1. Begging for money
(Isn't there some sort of man code that claims if the bus is empty you take every OTHER seat?)
2. Children
(If only we were lucky enough to have THIS kid)
3. Placing your nuts on my arm
Yes. you read that correctly.
Placing your
on my
My dear friends. Honestly. I'm sitting on the bus. Minding my own business. Next to me is a nice lady. She's minding her own business. Around us are other people. Some are sitting. Some are standing. They too, minding their own business. All of us dealing with the fact that we are a large number of people shoved into a space too small to hold us and have to maneuver around this vehicle of transportation in order to get ourselves to our specific destinations...cheaply.
We stop at the last stop before the bus turns into a mini-express. (The Belmont and Lake Shore Drive stop on the 146 for those of you who know the route). It takes Lake Shore Drive to Michigan Avenue and then exits and proceeds to do various stops on the route at that point.
So, many humans pass by me as I listen to my iPod and gaze out the window at the lake and soon the movement stops and I glance over and notice the wave of people has stopped and we are about to take off on our mini-express.
Well.
This guy sort of presses into my arm. It happens. Usually someone is trying to push past and get a hand rail on the back part of the bus or they see their friend. Whatever. However, the allotted amount of time where he should have released his junk from atop my arm passed.
So I waited a bit longer.
He shifts.
I think, Ok, good he's realized he's shoving his penis into the crook of my arm, he's going to move it.
No.
He shifts and, I swear to you, dear readers, hoisted his pants up and then solidly PLACED HIS NUTS ON MY ARM.
I was, at this point, still staring out the window and the entire thing seemed so absurd and ridiculous that I began laughing.
Hard.
Out loud.
So hard, in fact, the nice lady next to me looked over and probably thought I was laughing at her because, well, she was in the window seat and I was basically staring in her direction.
Junk man doesn't fucking move.
I'm practically hyperventilating I'm laughing so hard and this jackass STILL doesn't move his nuts from my arm!
At this point I couldn't avoid an awkward moment if I did adjust myself so I stay there. A comfy place for his ball sack.
We pull off onto Michigan Avenue and I think that, Ok, we're about to stop at a stop, people will push past and try to get off so he's got to move then right?
Wrong.
Oh no. He just presses further into me and now balls and penis are smooshing into my side boob! I'm mortified, appalled, embarrassed, etc. But I'm unable to look up at the jackass in nice Dockers shoving himself on me!
2 more stops went by when finally (FINALLY!) nut-sack man decided to move to the door because he was exiting at the next stop. He chose the back door so I never did get to see his face. But dear lord, people, I got a whole mess of cash and prizes that day!
Moral of the story:
Always be aware of your personal packages when on the CTA.
(For an added bonus, run your mouse over the pics for some fun insights!)
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