Kramer vs. Kramer a phenomenal FILM

When I was 5  years old, my parents had a VHS tape with 3 movies on it.  Airplane!, The Champ (with Ricky Schroeder and John Voight), and Kramer vs. Kramer.  I watched those movies in order, almost every single day.  For years. Back then, we were limited with what was on TV, (we didn't have cable), and we didn't have any "kids" movies.

I fell in love with these movies.  Each one is very close to my heart.

Wolter and I joke, often, that we have so many movies the other one needs to see, well, Kramer vs. Kramer has been on that list since I met him!  Finally, we watched it together.

Even at a young age I could tell that this film was, exactly THAT.  A film.  Not a "movie".  Not a "money-maker" with lots of "back-door deals" and "merchandise" but a true FILM.  Seeing it again, after all these years didn't change my youthful ideals one bit.

What was lovely, was getting to watch the "Making of Kramer vs. Kramer" which was a special feature on this DVD.  I learned so much about the inception of the script (from the book) and how passionate the filmmakers were.  The idea that telling the story, keeping the truth of the characters and the art of collaboration were part of a film with SOME budget was jaw-dropping and beautiful.  There is really nothing about this film that I could criticize from the casting down to the amazing shots.  It's not a wonder that they won so many Oscars.

Bravo, Kramer vs. Kramer.  I'm inspired and appreciative of this artistic endeavor and wish there were more films like yours.

See this film if you haven't had the chance.  

Peace and love.

~Ali

It was Easter. Even for Atheistic Jews!

Easter.  A time of hope and re-birth and resurrection.  A time of 4 young boys who run around hopped up on sugar screaming loudly and laughing wildly.

Yup, I spent Easter Sunday with my family in the suburbs.  

It was actually a lot of fun.  Wolter and I went over to check on the progress of the possible house we might be moving into. It's getting there...although there is a LOT of work still left to be done.  We're hoping that, if we are going to make this move, it happens by the end of the summer.  Now that's seeming a bit optimistic, but we'll see.

My Mom walked over there with us and the 4 boys, while my brother and sister-in-law hid the eggs in the yard!  They used the plastic eggs and filled them with candy and gum and tic-tacs and pennies.

The boys had a blast running around and trying to find all the eggs!  My Dad and I sat on the bench and just enjoyed the view and took in the little bit of sun (in the chilly wind) that was peeking through.

Carrie, my sister-in-law, made a wonderful meal topped off with a fantastic bread pudding!  Yum!  It was my first time ever eating bread pudding and I was blown away by her recipe.

It was actually nice being in the suburbs.  People were walking their dogs and mowing their lawns...I don't know...I think I could get used to that.  Plus, there would be ROOM to MOVE there.  Love our little apartment but sometimes I just wish there was one room's worth more of space!

Anyhow, we truly enjoyed our Easter Sunday!  Hope you did too!  

Oh!  I know I posted an "updated" list of things that I've gotten to this month, but in case it was all hidden away...

Wolter proposed to me on April 1st, 2009!  We are now officially engaged!  YAY!

I guess I should do a post on the whole engagement...ok.  Coming up soon.

Peace and love,

Ali

The crazy boys!  From left to right: Sean, Justin, Brandon, and Zack

Aw, my Dad rocks!  He is unbelievable!  I love you, Dad!

Update of 1001 things in 101 days as of 04/04/2009

So, here is another update!  :)  Things are progressing, albeit, slowly.  It is, however, not a race so it feels ok. :)  

Life is happy right now.  Classes just ended at school and we are starting rehearsals for our showcase.  Yay!

Note #6 below!  It's was an incredibly exciting night!  I'm giddy with happiness!!! :)

Anyhow, here's how it's been going according to the list.  Hope everyone is well!  Love to you all, per usual!!!

:)

1. Hit my goal weight (and maintain it)
2. Send the trains
3. Sell the beanies
4. Sell the Magic the Gathering cards
5. Sell the wackies
6. Get proposed to
7. Finish Stop...Look...Listen scrap book
8. Go to 10 shows I'm not directly involved in

• My Left Breast/Back Story
• A Christmas Carol
• Little Foxes

9. Go to 5 shows where I don't have a friend in it.

• Avenue Q
• Bronx Tale

10. Move/buy a bigger place
11. Finally scan all my photos
12. Organize all my photos
13. Read 3 classic books
14. Semi-supine every day for 1 month
15. Finish Mom's awesome Hanukkah gift
16. Write 10 actual letters
17. Finish any/all 1/2 done cross-stitch projects

• Finished the lighthouse for Dad

18. Learn how to use a sewing machine

19. Go Vote

20. Refile/organize monologue box
21. Get my MRI mammogram

22. Take a tap class
23. Take a jazz class
24. Take a modern class
25. Take a circus class
26. Finish the Ender series

• Ender's Game
• Speaker For the Dead
• Xenocide
• Children of the Mind
• Ender's Shadow

27. Take a "day job" that gives 2 days off in a row
28. Visit K. in New York
29. Visit Raina in Tennessee
30. Do film, as much as possible

• Been submitting for student films and indie features

31. Get an agent - one who cares about me
32. Watch the entire West Wing series

• Season 1 = complete!
• Season 2 = still in the middle
  

33. Watch 10 classic (oscar winning movies) I've never seen (preferably before 1980)

• M.A.S.H.

34. Do the 3 day walk for breast cancer
35. Submit my play to 3 theatres

• XIII Pocket

36. Finish writing the Jezebel play
37. Get Sparky's teeth cleaned (with Vet approval)
38. Go to (at least) one Cubs game a year
39. Finish playing Kingdom Hearts
40. Knit 5 scarves for others

• Jon's was done in January 2009 :)

41. Be more diligent about recycling

• we bought a cart and are filling it and bringing it down to recycling once/twice a week on average
• we are keeping containers (jars and such) and reusing them as much as possible
• we are continuing to check labels and reuse any paper products we can
  

42. Try to use organic/green non-chemical products
43. Go to 4 movies - IN THE MOVIE THEATRE -

• Milk

44. Treat myself to 3 massages at Urban Oasis
45. Watch more Olbermann and Maddow

• MSNBC is now the default channel on our TV

46. Trade in Dad's guitar to get one that fits me
47. Keep up on my blog www.ali-land.blogspot.com at least once a week- even if it's just an update
48. Scan and organize MOM's pictures
49. Read more of and try to incorporate Alexander Technique into my life

• Working through reading a book called Anxious to Please which has opened my eyes to many things - specifically - it uses the process of The Alexander Technique in many of the practices. Cool.
  

50. Finish putting together the crossword jigsaw puzzle
51. Don't let the file basket get to the top without filing it.

• This is a constant struggle but I finally attacked it today!
  

52. Take a combat class
53. Take a ballet class - even though it scares me-
54. Run a 10K (6.2 miles)
55. Do 3 Stuart's sun salutes a day for a week
56. Play my keyboard, once a month, for fun

• December - :)  Played for 3 hours!!!
• January - played for an hour
• February - mmm, didn't play really busy at school
• March - played for about 2 hours

57. Perform 10 random acts of kindness

• Bought mom an orange rose and surprised her when she was sick
• Got Lisa some Ginger Ale and lip balm when she was sick

58. Get an ivy (English?) plant
59. Read 3 previously unread books on acting
60. Ride my bike as often as possible (seasonal)
61. Drink 64 oz of water every day for 2 weeks
62. Finish all seasons of the Venture Brothers (for Jon)

• Season 1 = Complete!
• Special Christmas episode = Complete!
  

63. Watch 5 movies Jon wants (only 1 will be MST3K)

• Excalibur
• Let The Right One In
• Iron Man

64. Try my watercolor pencils and make something pretty
65. Hang out with Dante 2x a week for at least an hour
66. Go to the Shedd Aquarium
67. Go to the Brookfield Zoo
68. Go to Lincoln Park Zoo
69. Go to the Art Institute
70. Read 8 plays I've never read before

• Who Made Robert DeNiro King of America? - Jason Katim
• A Dead Man's Apartment - Edward Allen Baker

71. Visit Charleston (finally)
72. Help Jon get on the path to Bio-medical visualization
73. Have a "date night" once a month

• Went to Sushi for November's date! Mmmm!
• Went to Sushi for December's date!
• Went to Uncle Julio's for January
• February - we were broke :)
• March - we were broke :)
• April - Delilah's and Sushi and a proposal!!!

74. Say something kind to someone once a day for a month -even if it's "I LOVE YOU"
75. Do my taxes by March (instead of waiting until the last minute) for 2009 and 2010
76. Get my credit score
77. Find out how much I'd be approved for, for a mortgage
78. Make a realistic budget
79. Get a new computer (mmm...MAC)
80. Do my 2 affirmations out loud for 2 months
81. Graduate from ACT ONE!
82. Get out of my contract for ******
83. Transfer my VHS tapes to DVD
84. Get my compass tattoo
85. Vinegar the carpet!
86. Go on 5 auditions I have no chance of getting or don't even want - blog about the experiences -
87. Keep an audition journal
88. Get back to my "limber self" and do full splits on both legs!
89. Play my Dance! Dance! Revolution once a week for 3 months
90. Floss every day for 3 months
91. Spend at least one night (with Jon) at a B&B
92. Make the "butterfly" tray
93. Listen to 3 recommended rap albums
94. Learn basic sign language
95. Write a letter (not to be sent) to those whom I feel still "hold me back" emotionally
96. Experiment with "freezing a goal" and wait 3 months to see the progress
97. Be adamant about making 3 hours of "down-time" for myself a week and STICKING TO IT
98. Re-establish my donations to Sierra Club for the Polar Bears.
99. Keep practicing "drawing on the right-side of the brain"
100. Get new glasses
101. Accomplish at least 50 on this list by August 10, 2011 :)

The Brass Monkey

So, I'm taking this incredible film class at school. We are inundated with amazing information and have already shot 8 short scripts (approximately 5 minutes each). Our amazing teacher/director, Julian Grant, is imparting his wisdom and experience and we're learning, hands-on information about eye-lines and key lights and etc. etc. etc. Fully informative and wonderful!

Our final project is a 5 minute script that we write or adapt from other works.

I decided to write my own piece. 

I've done a fair bit of writing in the past (a one-act play that was produced/directed at Roosevelt University in 2002 - pretty darn proud of that one) and a few 10 minute plays. However, I've never written a screenplay. Even a short one seemed daunting.

Julian suggested we take something from our diary or journal as a place to start if we planned on writing our own piece. I thought about that and realized that it would be difficult for me to take liberties for a "better story" if I used a situation that had already happened. In other words, I already know how that movie turns out and I'd be trying to duplicate the performance. So...I thought, instead, I'd write about a situation I had fantasized about. A conversation/meeting that never actually took place but that I had played over and over in my mind how it MIGHT go.

Words began pouring out of me. I actually couldn't find enough blank paper to "neatly" write it all out. When I finally finished it, I typed it into Celtx (a brilliant free program for those of you who would like such things... www.celtx.com) and tweaked and edited it a bit.

I'm pretty fucking happy with how it turned out.

Julian needs to approve it, of course, and will most likely make some line cuts since I normally write for theatre (more verbal) rather than film (more visual). It doesn't always occur to me that we can "act those lines" and don't need to SAY them.

I have some lovely blog readers here who will probably recognize the basis of this scenario when I describe it. I assure you, names were changed to protect the innocent (and jackasses), and the unseen-only-spoken-of man's "probable" response is definitely changed for dramatic effect.

The Brass Monkey - synopsis

SARAH is waiting at a neighborhood bar for MARIE. They used to be good friends but have not spoken for 4 months. SARAH is now dating MARIE's ex-boyfriend of 6 years.  SARAH has desperately wanted to mend the wounds between them, but, until now, MARIE has consistently avoided her phone calls and emails.  Today, MARIE has agreed to meet with SARAH for a "talk".  Little does SARAH know, MARIE has a secret and a plan up her sleeve.

Sound familiar to some of you?

If it gets approved, I'll try and put a copy up here.  It was actually pretty wonderful to "get those demons" out.  Woody Allen proved in Annie Hall that as the writer of your own work you are the master of your own destiny.  HE decides how the relationship goes when he writes the ending.  I believe we can re-write our history to some extent with our imaginations.

Here's to a healthier relationship with my past!

Peace and love to you all!

~Ali

Balloon of happiness and Blackbird

So this morning, as I do most weekday mornings, I was walking to school.  I have about a 10 minute walk from my bus stop to the front door of school if I make all the lights.  It's usually a pleasant walk and fairly familiar since I've been doing it for over a year and a half.

This morning was different.  The sun was out but I wasn't getting any of the benefits of it due to the large buildings, awnings, and shadows.  No big deal, normally, but we've been having quite a winter and a bit of sun can often brighten a winter day.  

Oh well.

I continued my brisk walk with my ipod on shuffle (per usual).  Suddenly, like a lovely moment out of a movie, I stepped on a patch of sidewalk and was showered with the glorious sun!  At the same time, Sarah McLachlan's version of Blackbird (it was on the I Am Sam  soundtrack) flooded my ears.  And I smiled.  A huge, happy, love for the earth and people and life smile.

Now, this may not seem like much.  And, honestly, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't.  But I've not listened to that song much since 2006.  It was going to be the song that I walked down the aisle to at my wedding that got cancelled 2 months (yes 2 months) before the wedding date.

Considering my emotional history with that song it's been tough one to swallow and put on the ipod.  I'd actually forgotten it was part of a playlist I used backstage for a show.  I didn't hit the stage until 1/2 way through the play and in order to drown out what was actually happening on stage I listened to my ipod with very specific emotionally resonant songs. 

I was blown away by the beauty of the sun, the immediate comfort of the song, and the glorious way I felt.  I sat down on the cold, concrete benches outside my school and listened.  I breathed and listened to Blackbird and realized how far I'd come.  It was truly a splendid moment.

When I got into school, the feeling was replaced by strong focus and intense concentration on the tasks at hand, etc. etc.

I was feeling drained and tired by the end of the day.  As I trudged my way to the bus, (a slightly different route for the way home due to the bus stop), I walked by St. Andrew's Chapel.  This building always catches my eye.  I think about the people who go inside to pray or confess (as I assume it's a Catholic church).  I notice the other entrance for "counseling services" and wonder about the couples that go in there to fix their marriages or the people who just want someone to talk to.

As I continued my daydream something inside the fence surrounding the church caught my eye.  It was a balloon.  And it was just sitting there, in the shrubbery, on the other side of these bars.  Someone had written on it, "Have a Nice Day".  I was sort of stymied.  I walked past it and then turned back around!  I needed a picture.  I didn't want to disturb the balloon so my photo doesn't have all the words perfectly displayed but you get the idea.  It was just sitting there.  For all the people to see that chose to see it.

Like I said, it may not mean anything.  But for me, today, it meant something.  I hope, by posting this picture it will maybe make you smile too, and have yourself a Nice Day. :)

Peace and love to all of you.

Ali

Because I am happy!

Ok all you wonderfully cynical bastards out there. :)  I just wanted to say that I am HAPPY. While I'm aware that Valentine's Day is, technically, a Hallmark holiday...I don't care.  I'm giddy and happy and excited to say that I have a wonderful man who loves me and puts up with my crap and I get to spend the day with him.

However, I would like to point out that if I didn't have him (or someone even remotely equal in quality) I might be somewhat cranky and cynical.  Yet, I surely hope I would not just be with SOMEONE to just have someone.  If that makes sense.  

More than anything, I am HAPPY.  Not relieved to have a Valentine.  Not thankful I don't have to endure the evening alone.  I am a happy person.  It is not solely due to being with this wonderful guy, but he enhances that happiness in me.  

So, there it is.  I'm giddy and excited and pleased to say I feel good about ME.  So, for the first time I am happy to say I'm happy with ME.  And I'm thrilled I get to experience that with someone who is pretty freakin' awesome. :)

Sorry if I made some of you throw up a little in your mouth.  

But I'm happy.

So there!  :)

(Love you all! And have an incredibly wonderful Valentine's Day!  Open your heart and make sure you love yourself.  All forms of "love" acceptable.)

Full-on ANGRY, nearly 3 months later

Yup.  It's true. I'm fucking pissed.  And I'm tired of feeling guilty for my feelings.  I'm tired of feeling sorry for pathetic fat sacks of shit who believe the world is there to feed, clothe, and take care of them while they eat and drunkenly stumble their way through life.

I'm SICK of it.

Now, honestly, most of my anger is centered around one obnoxious and sad, pitiful human.  I was angry 3 months ago, tried to find my peace with it, but, truly, I'M STILL FUCKING PISSED OFF.

We talk about what "being the mature one" really means.  The fact that I didn't pummel her ass is its own grace of goodness.  She deserved it that night.  Her actions, her thoughtless and disrespectful actions (and the actions of her pathetic "friend") made me wonder WHY I worried about how much she was hurting.  WHY I spent a millisecond on asking about her well-being. WHY I still felt guilty over something that WASN'T MY FAULT, but she chose to blame me rather than realize her OWN lazy actions and bitterness and lying nature and complacency were probably MORE why she ended up alone. 

But worry and wonder I did.

But ask about and suffer guilt I did.

And it was all for nothing.  No, seriously.  NOTHING.  All I ever hoped for, (after I stopped deluding myself that people really WANT happiness and peace with one another - got two slaps in the reality face on that one in the same year - ) was that she would, AT LEAST, begin living well.  Turn her life around.  Go audition.  Take classes.  Get a job that she loves.  ANYTHING to end like those fucking Hollywood movies.   ANYTHING to show us that "she didn't need him" or us.  She gets to be the turn-around story.

Nope.

She became sad.  And sullen.  And angry.  And vindictive.  And BITTER.  And still holding on to some idea.  To quote Clifford Odets, she is "stalled like a fliver in the snow".

Violence is just not cool.  I believe that. But I've imagined how I would beat the daylights out of this bitch if I ever see her again.  It's not in my nature to actually do it, but my fantasies are quite vivid.  I imagine running after her out those doors after she dared slap him and tackling her.  I've imagined yanking her off her feet, putting her on the ground with my knee at her throat, and slapping her the same way she slapped him.  I imagine taking her down and making her admit that I'm some pathetic scapegoat she is desperate to blame because her own life is such a hot mess.  I have a big imagination.  Here's the difference between us:  I'm not gonna actually do it, you pathetic waste of skin.

 I was willing to be her silent champion.  The light of hope in this sad silence that she would figure it out and get her shit together.

Nope.

I don't hold much hope for her to make much of her life as it looks on this path.  Maybe one of her friends will remind her that the best way to grow up is NOT throw drinks and slap people you "don't like".  What, are you in 2nd grade?  

As I very much realize I need to take my OWN advice and "let it go", this is my blog.  So, while I don't actually plan to DO anything to her lazy ass, I do plan to allow myself to be angry. 

I leave you with this quote from my friend Kerry:  "Just remember, some people are like a slinky.  Their only purpose is to be pushed down stairs..."

Thank you Kerry.  And thanks, as always my friends, for letting me vent.

Love and peace to you all,

~Ali